After seven months I am back online! Mostly so I can shop for this and that….. and food. All the gluten free items that were so readily available in the Pacific Northwest are either not here or ridiculously expensive so ordering online is definitely the way to go. And as a wonderful bonus I get to catch up on all my favorite blogs and start keeping mine again!
What a season of refinement this winter has been for me! I have felt like I am stuck in the white witches Narnia, every day for months being bitterly cold, white and glittery. Sometimes feeling like my heart has grown to match the landscape. There is beauty in it, but it is a harsh, surreal kind of beauty. Sometimes feeling like I am loosing sight of myself. There has been days where I am so lonely for the carefree, familiar friendships I moved away from. I miss Starbucks and the library and Safeway being right down the road. I have had to learn to trust that God is good even in sorrow.
I have wanted to use this quiet time to draw closer to God. I think I have failed BUT He has not! A while ago my mom encouraged me to get back into journaling and as I scribble away my thoughts I realize that, thankfully, I am still here! I am still me and it’s going to be ok. I have off and on for years kept journals written back and forth between my kids and me. We started that back up and it is such a blessing! Olivia is six and pretty much every day in some variation she writes, “Dear Mom, How are you doing? I am doing good. God loves you and God loves me. I love Jesus and Jesus loves me and you. You are pretty and you are nice. Love, Olivia!” She may not know how much that makes my day sometimes!
Plus I still have good old Blue eyes, who happily goes off to work, outside, even when it’s well below zero. Anyway, isn’t there something endearingly masculine about men who spend their free time outside chopping, splitting, hauling and stacking wood with their little sons in tow? Especially when they come into the house twinkly eyed, smelling like fresh air and wood, with frosty mustaches to give you a cold kiss and get a cup of coffee? I think so! That’s one thing I am sure of, my husband is one hardworking, tough guy!
Most importantly, my Father in heaven always is with me. Even when I become short sighted, He still sees the big picture. And by faith He has helped me to see that, when they are lived inside of His will, even these hard days, threaded together by His grace will become something beautiful.
” He hath made everything beautiful in His time……” Eccl 3:11